How Agatha Christie Used Hypnotic Techniques in Her Writing

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

Hypnowheel downloaded from http://www.vecteezy.com

Who doesn’t like a good mystery? Agatha Christie is considered one of, if not the greatest, mystery writer that ever lived, with stories that are impossible to put down. Some would say it was pure talent, which is a fair assumption. However, there is evidence that Agatha might have employed hypnotic techniques that aren’t included in The Elements of Style. Maybe she just blundered into them on her writing journey, or maybe she took her studies of Freud, Mesmer, and Jung seriously. 

Here we introduce hypnotic writing, exploring its influence on Christie’s writing, and tempt you with techniques that you can employ with your own craft. These techniques are helpful to grab and hold your readers attention, from everything from novels and short stories to grant proposals, advertisements, and emails. Stick around until the end, where I reveal how you can take the thirty-second Spiegel eye roll test test to predict how susceptible you are to hypnosis. This is the same test mentalists use to pick their subjects for live events. 

My sources include Hypnotic Writing: How to Seduce and Persuade Customers with Only Your Words by Joe Vitale and the BBC documentary, The Agatha Christie Code narrated by Joana Lumley, who portrayed drunken socialite Patsy Stone on Absolutely Fabulous. Dr. Joe Synder’s Youtube channel is also a treasure trove of information, presented in his trademark unorthodox manner.  

Who is Agatha Christie?

Mystery writer Agatha Christie is the 20th century, female version of the Most Interesting Man in the World. The Guinness book of World records declares her to be the best selling fiction author of all time, with over two billion copies sold. Her writing reads just as fresh as the day she wrote it, many of her stories adapted for the stage such as “the Mousetrap” “And Then There Were None” are still in production to this day. Her characters such as Miss Marple are legendary, with actor David Suchet portraying fictional detective Hercule Poirot, for twenty five years on the BBC. That’s one hell of an acting gig. 

Banned from reading at age six, because her mother thought she would wait until age eight, Agatha taught herself to read by simply memorizing the words instead of using letters to sound them out. Perhaps mother dearest was right, because Agatha suffered from poor spelling for the rest of her life due to this method. A lonely child with a lot of time on her hands, she published her first poem about electric trams at eleven, receiving a nasty bite from the writing bug that plagued her entire life. She was a nurse in WW2, where she learned about poisons for her future novels, a divorcee (gasp!) after her first husband left her, and then an amateur archaeologist after she married Sir Max Mallowan, a famed historian. She put all of this expertise into her writing. 

What is Hypnosis, Really?

“Anything you do which makes your readers react because of MENTAL IMAGES you plant in their minds is HYPNOTIC WRITING” -Joe Vitale

When I mention the word hypnosis, I conjure up images of mustachioed men in top hats swinging golden watches or spinning hypno-wheels. Do you think that you can never be hypnotized? I have bad news for you. You have probably already been hypnotized at least half a dozen times today. Hypnosis is just deep focus. Like what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called “The flow state”, that deep feeling of pure concentration where you look down at your watch, thinking ten minutes went by, while in reality you worked all the way through lunch without noticing. The feeling when you are so deep into a book, that when someone calls your name, you feel as though you were yanked from another dimension. Or a songwriter relieving that nasty breakup with every performance as if it just happened three minutes ago. Or even daydreaming about your fantasy vacation to where you can almost feel the sand between your toes.

 For the purposes of this essay, let’s define hypnosis as a deep state of focus. Many people have learned to hack this focus, allowing them to recover from past traumas, quit smoking, or even brainstorm the plot of script.

What are the Techniques?

The goal of every written line is to tempt the reader into reading the next line. And repeat ad nauseam. It’s both that simple and that complicated. Here are hypnotic techniques that you can incorporate in your writing straight away to achieve that goal. 

Write in Simple Language 

When they analyzed Agatha Christie’s writing, the word “said” caught the researcher’s attention. Instead of using fancy phrases like “inquired” or even “answered, ” she would settle for plain old said. She wasn’t sending her readers out to the dictionary, or making them reread a sentence to grasp the meaning of a fifty cent word. In other words, write the way you speak. If you naturally speak the vocabulary of a 19th century playwright, then do as thou wilt. However, If you put on airs with your writing, the readers will smell the fakeness a mile away. Remember the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Stupid. Don’t be a showoff. 

Lose Yourself

While studying Christie’s rough drafts, researchers noticed could tell the moments she picked up steam after reaching her flow state, the words manically scribbled down as if dictated by a magical deity, whispering the words in her ear. Be as unencumbered as a concert violinist swaying to the rhythm of the music. Feel free to put on costumes, voices, or silly hats while you are in your war against artistic mediocrity. Like they say in the armed forces, “by any means necessary.” 

Overburden the Reader to Force Them into a Trance

Most people can’t hold more than nine characters in their head at one time without lapsing into a focused trance. Christie would have ten or more characters, just over the limit, to force the reader into a trance. No reading with one foot outside the pool. Total submergence. 

Use the Unknown to Your Advantage.

Humans hate unanswered questions. Our nosey little brains need answers like crack. Pose an unanswered question at the beginning of a chapter and they are likely to stick around until it’s answered. For example, I said in the beginning of this piece to “stick around till the end to see if you are highly suggestible.” Don’t worry, I’ll keep my promise! 

Make the Page Aesthetically Pleasing to Read.

Bullet points, numbered columns, and head lines are all your friends. Avoid having your text look like a big intimidating block of words. If it looks like a chore, nobody will want to play. People view quotation marks as a beacon, relieved that someone is about to mix it up.

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

If you want someone to remember something in order to drive a point home, repetition of the words like “remember” or “repetition”  ensures that readers are more likely to remember what you are saying with every repetition. The sing-songy nature of the reception will make the reader remember, as long as you repeat them at least three times so they are sure to remember. Listen to the Daft punk song “Around the World” for reference. 

Don’t Ask. Command.

Nobody wants wishy-washy Charlie Brown as their hypnotist. It goes “you are getting sleepy”, not “Are you sleepy yet?” Don’t be afraid to tell people what to think. It’s your job. Steer the damn plane!

Answer These Three Reader Questions: “Who Cares?” “So What?” and “What’s in it for me?” 

We are a selfish species. If you can’t answer these three, they aren’t going to stick around long. Also, try to proactively think of questions the reader might ask, and answer preemptively. If you can get out of your own ego, and speak to the readers’ egos, then you can lead them anywhere.

Become a Drug Dealer

Your wares are serotonin and dopamine. Learn to wield these brain chemicals, and readers will keep coming back for more. Readers want to feel as though they just got off of a rollercoaster with each chapter, and are willing to stand in line for another fix.

Front Load Your Descriptions

The reasons are two fold. First, getting all your description out of the way allows the reader to pick up speed near the climax. Also make sure that you say “the red apple” not the “apple which is red.” Otherwise the reader might picture a green apple at first, but then get yanked out of her trance when she needs to recursively change the color. It’s annoying. Don’t do it.

Adverbs are Your Friends (Hypnogrammer)

But what about Stephen King’s advice to kill all adverbs, because a strong verb is always better? I know this is going to be a tough one, because it’s so reflexively ingrained in writers. When writing speeches for actual hypnosis sessions, Dr. Joe Snyder advises loading two adverbs in the front and one in the back for instant hypnotic speech. For example, “Quickly and deeply, the subject completely surrenders to the hypnotist’s relaxing, soothing, voice, immediately.”

It has a nice ring, doesn’t it? Granted the language might come off too flowery for most pieces, since this formula is for straight up hypnotic sessions. But you get the idea.

One of my theories as to why the adverbs work is that most adverbs end in “ly.” Anyone who has ever taken a vocal lesson knows that vowels are the easiest to sing and say.  If the hypnotist expertly and judiciously employs endless reception of vowel syllables, it also quickly and easily helps take the reader under completely. Agatha Christie’s works are littered with adverbs. And she’s outsold Steven King.

Have an Ending that the Reader Wants Resolved.

You don’t need to end it the way the reader wants it to end. You just need to provide an ending that makes logical sense. I.E. not pulled out of your ass like the Game of Thrones finale. Otherwise you are leading the reader on by dangling a fake carrot. Not cool. 

Use Trigger Words

Want the reader to enter a war zone, either literal or metaphorical? Pepper in words like “acidly” “stormed” or “bloody” to add to the subtext without shoving it down their throats.The reason movies and TV shows have trigger warning is so the viewer isn’t forced to relive some past trauma. Use this to your devious advantage! Also be aware of using the wrong trigger words at the wrong time. I attended a wedding where the minister gave a speech on “the stickiness of love” and the whole congregation gave a collective silent “eww ”at his word choice. That minister didn’t win any converts that day.

Visualize Every Last Detail

If you can’t visualize a character down to his toenails, then how can the reader? Replay every scene in your head like a movie with your eyes closed, visualizing every small detail. I use a cheap $20 voice activated recorder for notetaking, so I can keep my eyes closed. 

People Remember Stories

Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed spoke in parables for good reason. People enjoy stories not lectures. If you have a concept that you need to communicate fully, make it into a short story. Reminds me of a tale of a young college freshman who tried this technique and wound up coming in first at an international writing contest, but then blew the whole thousand dollar prize on pizza, beer, and Tums.

Align with your Audience.

If you are about to address a hostile audience, become hostile yourself. Not hostile with your readers, but get mad at whatever they are mad at. No free cookies in the breakroom this holiday? Not on my watch! Let’s give them hell, guys! You and me versus them! Find out what the reader is preoccupied with, be it weight loss, getting published, or cutting toxic people from their lives, and make that your subject.

Examples of Hypnotic Phrases You Can Utilize

Courtesy of Hypnotic Writing by Joe Vitale.

As you start reading the beginning of this article you find yourself …

As you sit there and read the beginning of this report you start to

feel …

As you read every word of this report you will become (amazed,

stunned, etc.) at …

As you analyze each word of this document, you will shortly feel a

sense of (calmness, joy, etc.) …

As you scan every word of this web page you will begin to discover

new ways of …

After you have read this short article, you will feel …

Can you imagine . .

Picture yourself five years from now …

Just picture …

Just imagine …

Remember when you were in high school …

Imagine what it would be like if …

Wouldn’t it be amazing if ..

Are You Highly Susceptible to Hypnosis?

The Spiegel eye roll test is the gold standard for determining hypnotics susceptibility. Simply have the patient look up to the sky, past their eyebrows, and slowly close their eyes. If you see all white, instead of irises, and their eyelids flutter. This video demonstrates exactly what I mean. Sideshow mentalists have prospective volunteers do this test in secret. Maybe the hypnotist asks them to look at a chandelier or something. Then they choose the highly suggestible ones as volunteers. 

And here is why you should be concerned. British mentalist Darren Brown did an experiment after testing the hypothesis that Robert Kennedy assassin Sirhan Sirhan was not acting under his own free will, but was a hypnotized patsy. Here, Brown demonstrates the same hypnosis techniques and triggers that were supposedly used on Siran Siran, but this time he’s assassinating British actor, comedian and author, Steven Fry who is in on the gag.

While the ethics of hypnosis are beyond the scope of the piece, I think it all boils down to trust and intention. As long as the hypnotist is using their powers for the forces of good with the patient’s concept, then all is above board. Like a surgeon who uses a whetted scalpel to cut out tumors, not slice their patient’s throat. If someone uses hypnotism for their own nefarious manipulations, then not so much. Better get them a job in advertising or politics!

Demonetization is Demonization

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

Artwork courtesy of the Lee Eschliman collection.

For starters, both words have “demon” in them. Money and censorship go hand in hand, like— um. Ok, most censors don’t want any handholding going on. What would the children say? Or Sister Prudish? And when you get corporations involved, that’s when late show monologues lose their teeth. God forbid a Shamwow sits on the shelves due to someone’s potty mouth. 

While I had only read about the demonetization reamer, I’ve experienced it recently. I was beyond ecstatic when Tall Tale TV accepted my short story to narrate on their channel. To be able to include it on his channel, voice actor Christopher  Herron was willing to throw monetization out the window completely, just to be able to include it, since swears trigger Youtube’s big brother algorithm. The short story in question involves military personnel. Having worked with Navy veterans when I was working at an incinerator, I included their colorful vernacular to keep it real. So, Chris had to choose between making something he enjoyed or bending the knee to get paid for his hard work. Do all creators listen to their soul instead of their wallet? Doubtful. I got lucky. 

When it comes to censorship, the powers that be like to pick on comedians first. It’s hard to keep a population down when they keep laughing off your oppression. Just ask Seth Meyers or Jimmy Kimmel. George Carlin’s “Seven Dirty Works” led Saint George to the Supreme Court. Even fellow artists like to get in the censorship action, figuring if they have to work clean, then everyone does. A pre-rape trial Bill Cosby famously rebuked Eddie Murphey for being blue on stage.

“Bill thought that when I go on stage, I just walk out and go:

‘Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!’” (waves and grins)

“‘Good night!’”

-Eddie Murphey

It’s like the late great Gilbert Godfrey said, “if you like a joke, laugh; if you don’t like it, don’t laugh.”

Here is Gilbert performing the greatest literary critique in history. 

Silence corrects a comedian’s behavior a lot faster than censorship. And if people are laughing, then maybe the joke has some truth to it, even if it stings.

Television is also notorious for censorship. Poor Lucille Ball couldn’t even say she was pregnant on the show bearing her name. So, you could love Lucy until you’ve knocked her up. Fine art was no better, giving Robert Maplethorp a hard time for shoving a bull whip up his cornhole and snapping a picture. Sure, it was shocking at the time, but today that’s just Saturday night for some folks. 

And don’t even get me started on music. Proving that the left is just as bad as the right, Tipper Gore headed the PMRC warning label sticker initiative that inspired the Danzig song “Mother.” The Ed Sullivan show wouldn’t shoot Elvis from the waist down. Pop music was so heavily censored in Russia that music lovers risked arrest from duplicating rock records using old x-rays, called bone records among collectors. It’s not all about words either. Link Wray’s instrumental classic “Rumble” was censored, the excuse being that all the greasers would rumble when it was played.

“Taking offense is a great way to avoid taking responsibility.”

— Ricky Gervais

Of course writers often find themselves at the forefront of the war against censorship, ever since the first match touched the first banned book. Whenever someone burns a book, Satan’s spiked tale wags. Dorothy Parker had a hard time getting “Big Blonde” published, because she portrayed a female alcoholic. That’s not very lady-like! Her screenwriting career ended when the bastards at the McCarthy trial blacklisted her for not putting up with their crap.

Someone has to be offensive because if you don’t use it you lose it. Even if you don’t appreciate the art behind it, at least they are pushing boundaries so they don’t close. I know that if I continue to be a contrarian, I’ll keep getting the same results. Maybe I should just be content with making the censor’s lives a little bit more difficult, like sand in an oyster, forming a pearl. Because, quite frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a darn. 

Keep writing,

Steve

F*ck Fender and Gibson: 14 Touring Guitar Players Who Dare to Play Other Brands.

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

I get it. Fender and Gibson make damn good guitars for the best of the best. I have a surf green Mexican Strat that saw enough action to warrant a re-fret that never let me down once. And the Les Paul is as genuine and amazing as its namesake. If “Hotel California” taught us anything, the Fenders and Gibsons go together as well as corruption and politics.  But it seems like every band under the age of thirty doesn’t even know other brands exist. If I see one more Fender headstock, I’m going to flip my bippy. Here are 14 touring guitarists that have the courage to pick another brand.

Annie Clark: Saint Vincent/ David Bryne.

Ernie Ball Music Man Saint Vincent Signature model.

Annie Clark’s signature guitar is odd yet calculated just like her solos. Even David Bryne thinks she’s a weirdo. She helped design the first guitar made specifically to accommodate the female body. While primarily known for their basses, Music Man also makes Love’s own Albert Lee signature guitar. 

Serra Pétale: Los Bitchos

Eastwood Ichibam kl2

Los Bitchos are a bunch of London girls by way of Western Australia. They like their surf rock a little tangy, with elements of South American beats and a dash of psychedelia. Those ladies  always look like they are having a blast on stage. With a name like Los Bitcho’s, how could they not be?

Hester Chambers: WetLeg

Hofner (Höfner) HCT Galaxie

She plays guitar with everyone’s favorite perverts, Wet Leg. “On the chaise longue, on the chaise longue, on the chaise longue all day long, on the chaise longue. “ Even Harry Styles couldn’t escape their pop perfection, and did a cover of “Wet Dream.”

Mike watt players: The Minutemen, fIREHOUSE, The Stooges

Reverend Wattpower Bass

Mike Watt. If you know, you know, and if you don’t know, you should. Only Reverend Guitars could make a signature model holy enough for this fucking corndog to defend himself agaisnt the 70’s.

Wolfgang Von Frankenstein: The Misfits

Dean Doyle Signature Annihilator 

Does Doyle actually play guitar or does he just punch it like a timecard? Either way, he looks cool as hell. Legend has it, he rates every show according to how much his fingers bleed that night. His Dean signature model takes a beating every night, often needing to be swapped out for another identical model between songs with his guitar tech fixes it. That guy isn’t paid enough.

The Whole Band: Shannon and the Clams

Danelectros

I saw them live and was blown away by the power of Shannon’s voice.That lady could give a legit opera singer a run for her money. Her gold sparkle Danelectro bass is a perfect fit for The Clams retro 60’s vibe. 

Stu Mackenzie King Gizzard and the Wizard Lizard

Yamaha 1967 Flying Samurai

I always tell people, if you think you don’t like King Gizzard and the Wizard Lizard, wait a couple songs. They are so diverse that they will eventually land on something you’ll like. Stu Machenzie loves weird ass guitars, including this 60’s Yamaha.

Marissa Paternoster/ Screaming females 

g and l s-500 

Kramer jersey stat hornet galaxy 

If you aren’t careful, Marissa Paternoster will shred your face off. She is living proof that there are still guitarists who are willing to take risks, and stand out rather than blend in. In fact, between her and Annie Clark, it seems to me that women are doing the most good on the guitar nowadays. Get it together boys!

To be fair, G and L was Leo Fender’s company after he sold the Fender company, but legally they aren’t Fenders, so fuck off. Jerry Cantral of Alice in Chains also uses G and L for their beefy tones.

Wolfgang Van Halen 

EVH SA-126

Not sure what EVH Guitars could possibly stand for, but I’m sure this ain’t no First Act Guitar. Wolfgang added a semi hollobody design to the old man’s guitar, making it his own. Apparently Eddie’s kid plays all the instruments on his records like Prince. His Drumeo videos are always a good time, and showcase what happens when your uncle is Alex Van Halan.

Nameless Ghoul: Ghost

Hagstrom Fantomen.

It’s surprising that Hagstrom isn’t a household name, since Elvis Presely played one. The Hagstrom Fantomen really fits in with the metal aesthetic of Ghost, like the satans house key. Even the tuning pegs look evil. 

Josh Homme: Queens of the Stoneage, Kyruss

Marin bb1200

Josh Holme could play any guitar, but chooses Maren. This guy knows a thing or two about riffs, so the guitars must be amazing. This one matches his jacket really well. 

King Buzzo: Melvins/Fantômas

Electric Guitar Factory King Buzzo Standard.

Costing as much as a nice used car, this aluminum neck guitar can take the pounding that King Buzzo unleashes on it every night. This one is on my post lottery wishlist.

Zac Sokolow: LA LOM

Kay Style Leader

If you need a chill vibe, I have the band for you. These guys are like the Ventures meet Los Lobo’s. Zac’s vintage Kay Style Leader swims in a river of reverb, and has three pickups with volume and tone control for each. 

The Whole Band: Los Straightjackets

Various Dipinto Guitars.

I saw Los Straightjackets play an outdoor fest at the Philly Art Museum. Despite all their whammy barring and neck bending, they only had to tune up ONCE before they played. Talk about workhouse guitars! These things are more suited for surf music than surfboards.

9 Things I’d do Differently after My First Film Fest

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

My buddy Lee and I had a blast making our animated film Period last year and attending every film fest within driving distance. Of course, hindsight being 20/20, I make a bunch of oopsies that I won’t make next time. Like Oscar Wilde said, “Experience is the name we give our mistakes.” Keep reading to learn from mine.

Everything takes more time than you think.

If you think something will take one month, give yourself three. Make sure you research the due dates of all the film fests, so you don’t miss your shot. Speaking of:

Get an IMDb page as soon as possible.

This takes a while because an actual human being checks the information for accuracy. Here are the requirements. If you haven’t written a bio for you and your crew, start today. Make sure everyone has their other credits in order!

So many film people have spelled my last name “Levandoski” wrong that “Steve Lewandowski” is apparently my official stage name. 

You will need a poster, a synopsis and a trailer.

Almost every festival requires a trailer, a poster, a synopsis, and picture stills. I recommend making a shared folder so they are always handy for everyone on your team. Some festivals require certain formats and aspect ratios, so make sure you research your favorite festival’s requirements before you export. For review sites, you may also want to make a presskit, but I’ve found that most modern review sites use automated submissions instead of email queries. 

Use JPEG or PGN formats for your images, not PDFs. 

People are wary about opening PDFs because they could potentially contain viruses. Some email providers actually block emails withPDF attachments, so JPEGS and PGNs are the way to go. It doesn’t hurt to export multiple formats and sizes, while you still have the project open.

Remember to budget for review sites.

We blew our whole wad on the film fests when we should have put money aside for paid review sites. I’d say to start sending out to review sites as soon as you get a laurel or two from film fests that you can use as bragging rights when you send your baby off for review. 

Sign up for Film Freeway.

FilmFreeway is the way to go. The interface is really well done, and they keep everything nice and organized for you. Usually, the more expensive the festival, the more prestigious it is. 

I paid for the gold plan for one month and banged out all the submissions in that time frame to save money. You can even print your own laurels (trophies) so they all can all share the same format and size. Here is one from Cologne fest. I also learned that “official selection” means that you made it into the fest. That’s the lowest rung of the awards, the next being “honorable mention,” “third place”, “second place”, and “first.”

Make sure that the festivals aren’t scams.

For every legitimate artist trying to make their way, there are ten con artists putting up fake festivals and charging an entry fee. The best resources for research are Google and Reddit searches. For example, you can google “Is Stevefest Filmfest a scam? Reddit”  and do some sleuthing. Make sure the festival pictures on the sites don’t look AI generated. And just because it takes place in Cannes, France, doesn’t mean it’s legit!

Take your time with responding to every email and make sure you share all your information and social media handles when you respond.

Festivals don’t have time to add your links after they post it. You get one shot for them to post stuff, so include every link you wanted shared and every laurel you’ve won.

Make a designated youtube page for the site.

Make sure you keep it private with password protection before you officially unleash it into the world. Here is a link to our site. For larger projects, I’d recommend shelling out money for a site with the film name as your domain name.

Here is a link to “Period” for all interested.

The Best One-Armed Drummers Besides the Def Lepard Guy.

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

Victor “Moulty” Moulton

How he lost it: Moulty lost his left hand due to a homemade pipe bomb incident in his youth. (I’m lucky I only lost my eyebrows.)

How he overcame it. He had a prosthetic that could hold a stick.

Main Project: The Barbarians.

Website: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2191338/bio/

Moulty was the one-armed drummer who started it all. He played with The Barbarians, straight outta Cape Cod. My uncle-in-law partied with him in the 60’s and says he’s “a hell of a good guy.” Moutly was name checked by the Ramones in the song “Do You Remember Rock and Roll Radio?” with the line, “Will you remember Jerry Lee, John Lennon, T.Rex and Ol’ Moulty?”

Jason Barnes 

How he lost it: He lost it from a severe electrical shock.

How he overcame it: He’s got a robot arm.

Main project: Cybrnetx

Website: https://www.jasonbarnes.me/about/

Besides being a drummer and music producer, Jason Barnes also holds the Guiness book of World Records holder for most drum beats in one minute. He controls his robot arm using the remaining muscles in his arm. The two sets of sticks on his prosthetic arm create unique  instrumental patterns, not unlike how Tony Iommi’s tone was influenced by the Black Sabbath guitar player’s prosthetic finger tips. It really is a shame that so many musicians get factory jobs. Will Jason Barnes’ be an early Neurolink adopter? 

Jack Thomas-

How he lost it: He lost it due to a faulty conveyor belt at work when he was still a teenager, and immediately jumped to physical therapy with a kick-ass attitude. 

How he overcame it: No idea how he does what he does one handed. He’s just really fucking good.

Main project: Drumeo

Website: https://www.jackthomasmusic.ca

This guy is an absolute beast. He’s involved with Drumeo, so you can see him operating the mouse lending vibe to the poor bastard during the “Hears Blank for the First Time” series. That’s where they find a technically demanding song that a drummer has never heard before and must improv a drum part on the spot on camera. Sadistic, clean, fun for the whole family. 

Buddy Rich (For One Tour)

How he broke it: Playing stickball like a 1930’s orphan.

How he overcame it: The same way Jack Thomas did, just playing twice as fast with one hand.

Main projects: The Buddy Rich band and the Buddy Rich Bus Tapes.

Website: https://thebuddyrichband.com/

If you are wondering how Buddy developed his famous one handed drum roll, here is Buddy in his own words, “There was a lot of comment about that period in 1948 when I played with one hand, because one arm was in a sling. I understand Jo Jones said: ‘If that heals, he ought to break it again.’ That was a thing born out of necessity. I was playing handball one morning when I fell, and broke my arm in three places. So they rushed me to the doctor; he straightened my arm out and put it in a cast. Well, the band had been booked for months in advance. And with 19 people on the payroll, I couldn’t very well just say: “We’ll be off for three months.” There was too much involved to cancel our bookings, We were in Dayton, Ohio; we played a one-nighter that night. The following week we played the Apollo Theatre in New York, and immediately after closing there we opened at the Paramount Theatre.

It was just a matter of having to do it. What the hell’s the difference anyway? If you can play with two hands, you can play with one. If you don’t have any, you play with your feet. Which I did, too, using bass drums, in the Paramount show.”

Rick Allen

How he lost it: Contrary to popular belief, Rick wasn’t drunk when he had the car accident that took his arm. He was driving in England trying to pass someone.

How he overcame it. He utilized electronic drum pads that he could play with his feet.

Main project: Def Leppard.

Website: https://rickallen.com/

 I know I said drummer’s besides Def Leppard’s Rick Allen, but this guy is the one-armed drummer poster child. Between world tours, Rick Allen is also a celebrated photographer and is the recipient of the Humanitarian Award by Maria Shriver’s Best Buddies of CA. 

When he lost the arm, Lars Ulrich from Metallica asked Rich to borrow his Ludwig Black Beauty, the Rolex of snare drums, and thanked him on the album credits. And he’s still rock’in. 

I Completed Lil Jon’s Meditation Album

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

When I first found out about Lil Jon’s “Total Meditation” album, I laughed. The Youtube comments were amazing. “He’s gone from crunk to monk” and “sanskreet, skreet, skreet, skreet skreet”. But Lil Jon took this endeavor seriously, hiring the best in the business to help him sculpt a credible meditation practice as a way to help himself work out his recent divorce. Physician, heal thyself. 

There are two advantages that famous rappers have over the usual mediation guru. The first is that rap transfers to voice narration like college credits. It’s like their usual gig but slower and they don’t need to rhyme.  Proper mic technique isn’t usually covered in spiritual retreats. The second is a dream team of productions who know nuances of a Neumann microphone versus a Shure.

Producer Douglas David has some Grammys under his belt, as well as Aretha Franklin broadcasts. Billboard Magazine lists him as one of the top philanthropists in the world. 

The members of the recording engineering team of Wayne Sunderland and Nathan “Slade” Smith have heavy reps in the audio industry. Sunderland is a mastering Engineer at Suture Mastering, and Slade Smith has collaborated with Lil Jon his whole life, being his son. DJ Slade is a sought after DJ in his own right.

The mixes are perfect and his voice has enough cool tricks to keep one engaged. Mixing engineer Trammell Starks has toured with Patti Labelle and Roberta Flack as a keyboardist, produced albums for the London Symphony Orchestra, and composed over 40 songs for the Weather Channel. 

Lil Jon brought in a ringer to help him out with the content. Kabir Sehgal is a jazz bassist, former JPMorgan Vice President, published author, navy veteran, composer, and Grammy Award-winning producer. He has produced albums for Deepak Chopra, who is huge in the meditation game. Like appearing on Oprah huge.

While none of the practices break new ground, they are a nice collection of the old tried and true ancient techniques with a modern flavor. Lil Jon and Kabir Sehgal cover everything from anxiety to grieving in bite-sized ten minute chunks. Sure, Lil John gets a little cheesy sometimes with whispered call and response, but his enthusiasm makes up for it.

My favorite session is the breathing one. In the wrong hands, this exercise can be a bit boring, but Lil Jon captures my attention the entire time. I also like the one based on nurturing friendship. We are all guilty of not giving one hundred percent in our relationships sometimes, and Mr. Jon is right to call us out and remind us that a little relationship maintenance can go a long way. I’m hoping my friends notice a difference with my moody ass since I’ve taken to self care. The things I do for those people.

After completing the circuit can I say that Lil Jon meditations are worth the ride? As an experienced meditator, I’d say yes. These are the perfect gateway meditations, especially for people who hate meditation. And if Lil Jon helps just one person on their journey to self actualization, then I must say “OKAAAAAAAYYYYY!”

Facebook Priced Me Out of My Opinion.

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

Facebook Ads, I remember when you used to be cool. For twenty bucks a month, I could reach between 100-700 readers. Utilizing their targeted ads, I reached people whose interests aligned with bothering the ones who couldn’t care less. Not too shabby. But when I tried to boost my latest post “What People in Power could Learn from David Lynch” I ran into trouble. First, Facebook Ads said my ad didn’t have enough funds. (Ok then why do you have the slider go down that far?) Then made me prepay $25 that I haven’t figured out how to get back. They finally ran my ad, but said that I would probably get no views unless I ponied up more cash. How the hell does that work?

Bro! Gimme my $25 back!

Facebook Ads and I had a good run. I’m not going to pretend that my voice needs to be heard or that I’m ever in step with the gestalt. But there were a couple hundred here and there who indeed wanted to know the nuances of the drummers of the Ramones or what hits international songwriting duo Chin and Chapman wrote besides “Ballroom Blitz.”

But what if there is someone out there with something important to say with the same cash flow problem as I have? Revolutions happen when the right words reach the right ears. Brian Eno famously said that the Velvet Underground only sold 30,000 copies, but every one of the 30,000 listeners started a band.

One would think that Meta, a company built on the shoulders of artists, would gatekeep art. It’s not like Meta needs to rent more trucks to send my blog posts down the internet wormholes. I’d like to say that the money goes towards paying for more security readers but if they aren’t using AI bots yet, they will be soon. It reeks of a cash grab. Let’s force Susie’s Seashells and Bob’s Bakery to shell out more dough. And if they are an artist who isn’t bringing in positive cashflow? Fuck ‘em.

Looks like the only blogger that will be left is Richie Rich, Can’t wait to read “Twenty Ways to Dispense with the Help if They Forget to Polish the Silver.” 

Fascists.

I used to be a contender

What People in Power could Learn from David Lynch.

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

There is nothing like a case of the Sunday scaries as you lie in bed, wondering what hell your personal King Joffrey has planned for you today, as the time on the alarm clock races. A toxic work environment can be to blame for IBS, back pain, alcoholism, depression, anxiety, and other conditions as yet to be discovered.

The problem is that while people might not respect their bosses, they will always respect fear. It’s easy to take the low road and be a bully. Bullies get lunch money with the threat of a knuckle sandwich, and it’s quite effective. However there is a better way.

Anytime the words “Directed by David Lynch” pop up on the silver screen, one thing for is sure: things are about to get really weird in the best possible way.  From the Elephant Man, to Twin Peaks, to Moholland Drive, David Lynch has filmed some of the quirkiest moments in cinema. 

The following is an excerpt from the Masterclass series, where the who’s-who of various domains, like author Malcolm Gladwell or drag queen Rupaul, wax ecstatic on the craft of their various domains. Here he breaks down how he likes to run his movie sets and the environment he attempts to create. This should be required reading in all employee break rooms, next to the posters explaining the labor laws.

“I feel that a set should be like a happy family, Almost like Thanksgiving everyday, happily going down the road together, getting along and congratulating people all the time for their good work and getting a really great feeling, a safe feeling, too, for the actors, so they can let go and go into a new character with as little fear as possible and really get in there deep.

People who run a set on fear or a business on fear I say are really stupid. If you run a business on fear, you’re going to stress the people, you’re going to cause all sorts of conflicts and jealousies and back stabbing to get ahead in the business. When the father or mother comes home from work, they are going to be coming home tired and stressed and little kids can feel this and there can be arguments in the home based on this stress.

And anxieties and tension and the little kids are wondering what is this kind of world and when you have a fear based thing people don’t want to go the extra mile, if necessary, to help the company. They want to say, “fuck you, man”. They are not happy campers and it doesn’t serve the work. Ideas don’t flow, creativity doesn’t flow. Negativity cramps that tube from which these ideas flow. It squeezes it down and you’re not happy to help the company. A hatred grows for the company and that is really bad. It doesn’t serve anybody and is no good at all. 

So the happier the company, the more creative it’s going to be,and the more people will happily want to help if it’s necessary one day to stay late. Are you kidding? They won’t have a problem at all. The next day you have special lunches for them. And you know, it’s beautiful. We are all together on this planet trying live a good life why would you torture people? It’s crazy. We are in this thing together. We got to start enjoying this trip.”

-David Lynch, 2019

David Lynch worked hard on himself so he wouldn’t not to come off as an authoritarian prick. He really cared about everyone who came on his set. He ever took up acting just to build empathy towards his actors, and gave them all cute pet names like Tidbit or Solid Gold. The following video is an account from the actresses that Lynch worked with, that makes him out to be the Anti-Weinstein. Not a bad look, I say.

So much great art has come from toxic environments. Anyone who has watched the Kids in the Hall Documentary or has listened to the Buddy Rich Tapes knows that even the most fun projects on paper can become absolute torture with the wrong vibe. But David Lynch proved that even Avant Garde art can be fun to make, if you bring a positive attitude, at least try to be empathic, and truly care about other people.

Can Authors Use AI? Read What the Literary Journals are Saying.

Posted on by Steve Levandoski

The AI revolution has been a catalyst of change for many domains, but its effect on the literary world has been the biggest innovation since the printing press. In fact, the only way you know AI didn’t write this piece is because of the number of grammatical errors. 

The following is a biopsy of editorial opinions on AI literary submissions, taken from a smattering of respected literary journals, both famous and underground. 

Spectrum Magazine 

Spectrum Magazine has been around since the 1950’s, as part of California’s College of Creative studies, and has published hundreds if not thousands of short stories. Here is their smarmy response. 

“Spectrum celebrates originality and at this time does not accept submissions generated by AI.”

Flash Fiction Magazine

Most literary magazines I’ve researched echoes Spectrum Magazine’s statement, with AI being as popular as a lightbulb salesman at an Amish wedding. But most of them aren’t as nice about it. For example, Flash Fiction Magazine’s response to AI is terse, yet effective, as to be expected by a magazine boasting stories under a thousand words. 

“We do not accept stories written by AI tools such as Chat GPT. If you submit such stories, we may ban you from submitting to our magazine.”

Small Wonders Magazine

Small Wonders Magazine, on the other hand, leaves no questions about their feelings on AI unanswered. Their signature is a Hancockian fuck you to the machine.

“When we started the magazine, the two of us talked through what we wanted the magazine to be. We wanted to give authors and poets a chance to say what was on their hearts to an interested audience. We wanted to support those authors and poets to the best of our ability. We wanted to bring pieces to you, the readers, that would surprise and delight you, and ideally make you feel.

AI-written text betrays all three. AI doesn’t write; it picks statistically-likely words with a bit of randomness thrown in to spice things up. Anything it has to “say” is an amalgam of what other people have already said, filtered and smoothed into content slurry. We have limited space in the magazine, which means that any spot we give to AI-written text displaces a human author or poet. Finally, AI-written text has little in the way of new ideas or striking images. Any surprises it brings is due to it juxtaposing ideas that don’t work together or regurgitating previously-written metaphors, and AI companies are working to sand off even those flashes of serendipity.

When new technology appears, it’s worth asking what your end goals are before adopting it. From our standpoint, AI-generated text is anathema to what we want Small Wonders to be.”

— Cislyn and Stephen

Fabulist Magazine

Fabulist Magazine will not only ban you, they will also pull your stories retroactively if you are caught cohorting with robots. They also breakdown what actually constitutes AI Usage in the post digital era. If you don’t know, now you do.

“We affirm to our readers and contributors that The Fabulist Magazine is, first and foremost, a venue for connections and encounters with unadulterated human creative works.

• Unless otherwise specified in any given call for submissions, The Fabulist is not open to works that include AI processes of any sort, including the generation of prompts, titles, names, outlines, dialogue, plot elements, descriptive passages, etc.

• We have updated our contractual and submissions materials to reflect this prohibition as clearly as possible.

• This policy is retroactive; we will remove from our archives any works found to have included undisclosed AI adulteration, though, lacking a formal policy prior to this date, we welcome the opportunity to work with previous contributors to update such works or look at new submissions.

• Moving forward, willful violators of this policy will be permanently banned from our pages.

• No, running a spellchecker or grammar tool on your finished text is not AI.”

Metastellar has a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I laughed at the bit about the mushrooms.

“You don’t have to tell us how you wrote it. And unless we then submit it to a competition that includes AI restrictions in its guidelines, we won’t ask.

However, writers can feel free to add text to their bios saying that, for instance, their stories are completely written by a human, or written with AI help, or dictated to them by talking mushrooms. We won’t judge.”

The Diagram

A journal obsessed with the “labelling and taxonomy of things,” Diagram Magazine seems fairly blasé and unthreatened by AI.

“We are totally okay with AI-assisted work, as long as it rules. If it doesn’t rule, send it somewhere else.”

Clarkesworld Magazine

These poor bastards at Clarkworld, a fledgling Sci fi and Fantasy Magazine, needed to temporarily shut down their submissions portal after being inundated with AI stories. As if the slush pile wasn’t deep enough with human authors.

“We will not consider any submissions written, developed, or assisted by these tools. Attempting to submit these works may result in being banned from submitting works in the future.”

Curated Ai

Here is an Ai magazine curated by humans. While I’m usually a fan of contrarians, and enjoy being as difficult as the next prick, It’s hard to say if Curated Ai are embracing a new technology or kissing up to their new overlords. 

”We want to read what you have built writes. You can submit your machine-generated short stories, poems, and other works of textual art to submissions@curatedai.com. Please include your name (or nom de machine) and a brief description of what you did to generate the submitted words.”

AI Mag.

Here is another pro AI magazine. This one is supported by Harvard, so it must be a great idea.

“AI Mag is a fully AI-generated literary magazine that seeks to challenge the Harvard community’s – and the world’s – conception of what constitutes art and art-making. Through developing a web interface and fine-tuning large generative machine learning models, we enable students across campus to create works of literature and art using AI. This project explores questions about the nature of art, artist, and meaning: Is AI art real art? Who is the creator of AI art? Are intention and effort crucial to the value of art? Beyond examining the human + AI creative process, AI Mag itself explores the interplay between the traditional, elite practices of old-school literary magazines and the open-source, accessible perspectives the AI art community.”

In conclusion, let’s all try to have fun before we’re stuck mining titanium on Mars for our android overseers. Maybe they will let us keep our phones.